Summer's On It's Deathbed
by staytragic
Summary: Brendon Urie was a shadow of his former self; the bubbly, hilarious Panic! At The Disco lead singer was no longer the same. His life was in a slump, he couldn't find any way to see the light, to let the sunshine back into his life.
1. Chapter 1

For once the internet was right. A fan tweeted me, telling me that she was cheating; she told me that she'd seen her with another guy. I dismissed it; I wasn't willing to believe jealous fans online. I loved her, I was engaged to her. There was no way she'd be with someone else; we were close to getting married, and spending the rest of our lives together.

Oh how fucking wrong I was.

Walking into that room and seeing her there, with him, in our bed was the single most painful thing I'd ever felt. I remembered a time when the band had just started and we were on tour, we were playing a festival somewhere in Europe and I got excited and began climbing the stage scaffolding. It was going well, until I slipped and fell a good eight feet to the floor, my back hitting the ground, knocking all of the air out of my lungs. I had to lay there gasping for air, trying to breathe. That was how I felt when I saw them, I couldn't breathe. It felt like all of the air in the room was purposely moving away from me so that I couldn't respire properly.

"Brendon," she said, covering her modesty with a sheet.

I heard the guy mutter, "Who the hell is that?"

There was still a dire lack of air in my lungs; my mouth was unable to form the words. I wanted to scream, to tell him exactly who I was. I wanted to throw him out of my apartment and make sure he never dared to set foot in it again. She muttered quietly, her voice thick with shame. "My boyfriend."

The guy covered himself too, and nudged her. "You have a boyfriend?"

All of sudden the air rushed back into my lungs. "Yes she has a fucking boyfriend. Actually, more precisely, I'm her _fiance_." I walked around the bed and picked up his jeans and threw them fiercely at him. "Put on your clothes and get the fuck out of my apartment. Now." I growled. He did as I demanded and ran out holding his shoes in his hand.

"You too." I said, my voice was quieter this time, and I wanted the ferocity of my statement to be just as apparent. However, my voice betrayed me, and it come out just above a whisper, more of a plea to the woman who I, only a few minutes before, was willing to spend the rest of my life with.

She looked at me, her eyes wide as if to say, 'Who, me?' When she gathered that I was indeed talking to her, she slowly she rose from the bed and shimmied into her dress.

"Get out, and don't come back. Please." I handed her phone and her keys and pushed her softly towards the door.

Turning towards me, she tried to kiss me. "Brendon, please, we can work this out." I pushed her closer to the door; her eyes quickly became glassy with tears.

I put out my hand, stopping her from walking away. "How long?"

Her eyes seemed confused before she understood what I was getting at. "9 months."

We'd only been together for 18 months. I was so sure that she was the one, I felt such a fool. I took her hand softly, and began to slip the thing white gold band off her finger. She tried to stop me, but I took it off and threw it over my shoulder onto the bed.

"Just leave. Go." Defeated, she turned around, and walked out of my life.


	2. Chapter 2

The weeks that followed saw Brendon lock himself away. He didn't leave his house unless he absolutely had to; this meant he only usually left to go to the grocery store and stock up. Spencer had called multiple times to ask if he wanted to hang out; at first Brendon picked up and declined politely. Then the thin veil of feigned happiness shed and he just bluntly said that he didn't want to go out. After around two weeks, he just stopped picking up the phone.

He would torture himself by listening to Sarah Smiles over and over for hours on end. He knew it was no good for him, but for some reason, he couldn't stop. It was some sort of cathartic act, although Brendon wasn't 100% sure it was helping or just pushing him deeper into the hole he'd dug.

Everywhere he looked he was reminded of her. He'd see her favourite cookies in the kitchen cabinet, or he'd see her shampoo in the shower, or something as small as realising that it was 7:30 on a Thursday evening. That was the time she'd come home from her pilates class, on the dot, every single week. It seemed that she was everywhere he looked, ingrained into every aspect of his life.

Brendon realised that he was retreating, pulling himself further and further away from the people who loved him the most. But to him, that wasn't even the worst thing; the worst thing is that he really didn't _want_ their help. He wanted to be alone, to wallow in self-pity.

Night after night, he would go to sleep, waking in a cold sweat with the image of finding her in bed with someone else. What scared him the most was how much he was in love with her, he was so completely in love with her; he love consumed his whole being. And to realise that she didn't reciprocate his love to the same high level felt like a punch to the gut.

Three and a half weeks after the incident, his sister phoned him. He realised that Spencer must have called her; at that point he knew his best friend was getting worried, because Spencer only ever resorted to getting Brendon's family involved when he was scared for Brendon. Although he knew that his drummer and friend must be hurting he couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone. When he didn't pick up and the phone rang out, in quick succession, his brother, his other sister, Dallon and Ian called. He ignored each and every one of them.

The last person to try getting through to him was his mother. 'Brendon,' called out the answering machine, which had picked up the call after Brendon had failed to. 'It's your mom. I'm really worried about you, we all are. Please pull yourself together, Son and let us help you get through this. Call me back, we love you. Bye.'

The message tugged at Brendon's heart. He hated to make his family upset because of the fact that he couldn't keep a relationship. Just as he began to think of _her_ again, the answering machine piped up. 'Brendon, it's Spencer; I'm coming over, whether you like it or not.'

Brendon still didn't particularly want any human contact, so he hoped Spencer was joking or just using the message as a device to get Brendon to answer the phone. However, much to Brendon's dismay, around 15 minutes later, there was a knock on his front door. Brendon knew it was Spencer, even if he hadn't called before; Spencer had a very distinctive knock.  
>One hard knock, then two short, sharp knocks in quick succession; it was the same every time he knocked on any door.<p>

He didn't move, he didn't get up; he just wanted Spencer to go away. He hoped if Spencer thought he wasn't there, he'd go away and leave Brendon alone.

But a few seconds later, he heard a key in the lock and multiple pairs of feet walking towards his front room.

Spencer, Dallon and Ian all stood in his front room. For a second they all stare at each other, no words passing anyone's lips. Brendon can see the pity in all of their eyes, seeing their friend this way is something nobody wants to witness.

Finally Brendon mustered up some courage. "Where the hell did you get a key?" It comes out a little more harshly than Brendon intends it to, but he doesn't have the energy nor does he really want to apologise for his frostiness.

Spencer rolls his eyes, "You gave it to me when you moved in. You told me to use it in emergencies; this is what I call an emergency."

"Yeah man," Ian steps forward, "we're all pretty worried about you. You haven't been in contact with any of us for about four weeks."

"We miss you, we miss hanging out with you, bro." Dallon adds.

Spencer isn't as nice as his other two friends. "Go and have a shower, put some clothes on. We're going out to get something to eat."

Brendon feels like a teenager. "I don't want to go out. Leave me alone."

"Brendon, get your shit together, man. I know it hurt, I understand, but you don't have to be a total dick to all of your friends. Don't take it out on us, we didn't fuck someone else." His best friend's words hit him hard. Without a single word, Brendon gets up and leaves the room.

As he walks away, Brendon hears Ian ask, "Don't you think that was too harsh?"

"Well, maybe." Spencer replies, "But he needed to hear it."

Brendon goes upstairs and showers, and shaves. His beard was getting unruly, but before he didn't care. Now, though, he decided he needed to make an effort, and cut the hair on his face down to light stubble. For the first time in almost a month he puts on clean clothes, not just something he picked up off of the floor of his bedroom and determined with a sniff under the arm that is was 'good enough to wear'.

When he re-emerged in the living room almost an hour later, his three friends stood up. Dallon bent down to retrieve the remote and turned off the TV. As he walked past them to the front door, they all clapped him on the back in turn. Brendon still took a second to step over the threshold of his front door, but with a pat on the shoulder from Spencer he was able to do it.


End file.
